its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
