So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
