Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I look better un-naked...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
