my mouth tastes like poor choices
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
