ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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