So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize