Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
