hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
