When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
