i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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