guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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