K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
