So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
