If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My balls are so social today.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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