My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize