i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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