im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
