i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
