I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
