I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
