and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my shit smells like andre
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
