U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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