We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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