didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
