I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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