i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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