I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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