She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
