My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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