I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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