what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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