what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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