you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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