Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
