walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize