let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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