Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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