why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
