Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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