i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
