3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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