I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
