he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
