he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
