Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize