I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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