I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
