dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
