If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
tell me about the eggs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
