I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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