It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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