Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
