Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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