dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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