Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
