Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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