Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
