this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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