Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize