Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
