i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
