i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
