dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's like iHOP with fire
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize