i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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