tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My hand turned me down
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
