Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
