We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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