And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Are we still banned from the library?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
