I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
