So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
