he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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