So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize