Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
