Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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