I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
