I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
