guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
