I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
