420 ftw
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
