Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
