So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize