ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
