Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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